LaynesSecret

There's this woman. She stands tall and elegant in a gown of white. The air around her sparkles and shines. The light around her comes from her. She is graceful. She is beautiful. She takes my breath away. I reach for her but I recoil when I see my own hands. They're dark and dirty. It seems like they are absorbing all light, as if my hands were black holes. They're covered in scars and dried blood that flakes away as I open and close my fingers...they won't open all the way. It hurts too much. I look up and see her again, the woman. And I scream. My voice is broken and my lungs burn. Still she does not see me. I want her. I need her. I ne

I miss the dark, strong girl I used to be. She was beautiful and brave and never afraid. I can feel her. As all of my friends are crying out for hope I can feel her rising to the surface. Shes shoving back the crazy confused girl and taking over, stretching her grasp to touch the lost ones, comforting them. She's chipping away at the fake girl and it feels good. She's released the soothing darkness and the calm. She's rescuing me. I miss being brave. I miss the world telling me all of it's dark secrets. I'm going to release that dark, strong girl and give her back the life that she lived so well.

I used to know this girl. She was brave and strong and never gave up. She would sacrifice everything for the ones she loved. But she was never loved the way she wanted to be. Or needed to be. But she was brave and strong and never gave up. She used to keep all of her secrets to herself, and kept everyone else's close to her heart. Everyone trusted her but she didn't feel like she could trust anyone. She wore the weight of everyone else's world on her shoulders. And she liked it that way. It was what she'd done all her life and what she was used to. She knew that life... But her world began to change. The weight of all of the other worlds beg

Is it ok to say it? To finally face reality and admit it? Is it truly the time to face myself and give in to defeat? I really need to say it. I know that I won't be able to move on if I don't. But it's so hard to say, the words are so far away, it's impossible, but today I don't love you.

So there was my heart, broken and shattered on the floor. You found it there and without a second thought you picked it up and pieced it back together. I cried at the pain when it started beating again. You cradled it in your hands and it grew warm. You pulled me into your arms and I was home.

...Standing on the rooftop reaching for the stars I can never touch. ...Watching time crawl by in the last half hour before I'm free. ...Waiting for the time to come when I get to go home. ...Realizing that home is where you are and it's too far away. ...Holding my breath til I can see you again and be in your arms. ...Feeling lonely and cold without the sound of your heart beat. ...Running out of patience and calm as the storm approaches. ...Becoming marginally more scared and anxious every minute. ...Bouncing on my toes with the energy and anxiety of the need to leave. ...Listening to the echoes of memories of us in my head. ...Wi

When I'm silent for a day and he doesn't call to ask why. When I want to retrace my scars for fear and pain and he doesn't know. When he says that he cares but it doesn't feel like it. When he doesn't care. When I feel like the relationship is only half of one. When I feel like crying and he's the furthest one from me. When I don't feel like he really loves me and he doesn't say it. When I need him and he's silent. When he's apathetic. When I realize that he's always apathetic. When I think about finding someone else. When I realize that there is no one else. He's the only one I want, but I still don't feel like I have him. He's

...it's all broken wings and angels.

An impossible amount of, 'oh I'm sorry, you know I'm there for you, right?' No, I don't...because when I was sobbing on the floor, body wracked with the pain that radiated out from my shattering heart you were no where to be seen. Again.